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Posts Tagged ‘porn’

Guest post: Punishment Porn

The first time I saw pornography, I was 14 years old. I was babysitting for a neighbor down the street and was looking for children’s videos for the kids when I came across a few unmarked tapes. I put one in and to my surprise, it was porn. Though I turned it off straight away (the kids were around but didn’t see it, thankfully), I went back to the videos after I’d put the children down for their naps. I was a teenager and I was curious.

In retrospect, the movies on the tapes were regular, “straight sex” porn. This was the 1980s and the women in the movies didn’t have fake breasts and were not shaved to an inch of their nether regions. The men were pretty hairy and lots of them had mustaches, a la Magnum P.I.’s Tom Selleck. The routines were fairly standard: Guy meets girl, have a bit of conversation, clothes come off and sex ensues (heavy petting, mutual oral sex, sex in various positions, The End). Nothing about it felt weird or unsavory and in fact, I revisited those tapes several times over the next few months as the babysitting jobs continued. Of course I was always careful to rewind the tape back to the exact spot and put the tape back on the exact shelf in the television console where I had found it.

I’ve watched porn here and there over the years and what I’ve noticed in recent years is how much fetish-oriented porn, specifically “punishment porn,” is starting to become mainstream. One quick browse at a handful of online porn sites reveals an overabundance of disturbing, graphic key words such as “GAGGING” and “ROUGH” and “PUNISHMENT” and “DRILLING” and “FORCED,” among other gems. Photos of women being dragged by the hair and seemingly forced to give oral sex to her “boss” or “landlord” or other “authority” figures abound. Storylines are focused on revenge and retribution; men are getting back at women for ignoring them or cheating on them or for screwing up a proposal at work. Finding a video showing a woman literally being slapped around while engaging in sex acts is easy to find; instead of being concealed within fetish-oriented porn sites they’re readily available on many mainsteam, free porn websites. It’s an unsettling trend.

Los Angeles-based sex educator, author and lecturer Jamye Waxman agrees that these types of porn films are on the rise. “I see an increase in finding the craziest things one can do in porn. That’s because the Internet has upped the ante, so to speak, regarding what it takes to get noticed. I find this type of porn a cry for attention and not necessarily a healthy outlet for sexual exploration. Of course if two people generally love being punished, beaten, whatever, who am I to stop it? But I ask this: If you love it, why? That’s what I want to know,” she says.

Physically, the actors in these videos and photos are getting more and more extreme as well. The women have bowling ball-sized breasts that leave the skin on their chests looking like it’s pulling at the seams OR they’re flat-chested and petite and “barely legal.” They are shaved completely bare and the skin down there is bleached (ouch!). The men, with their thick necks and bulging veins, look like they’re bursting with ‘roid rage, which I suppose suits since they’re always pissed off and looking for revenge! The thing is I do not know a single woman who finds this type of fury or crazed sex wrath appealing. Sure, some of us like a little smack on the bum sometimes. But find me a woman who enjoys having a man’s *meat* forcibly shoved into her mouth to the point of gagging and I’ll show you one who is nothing but a figment of a disturbed man’s twisted imagination.

Waxman, who has written and produced four erotic films for an adult entertainment company, believes that every individual has his/her own sexual fetishes and desires but that this type of physically-abusive porn is troubling.

“I can’t say what is sexy and arousing for every individual, but I do see sex as something pleasure based with a limited infusion of pain, and even that pain should be pleasurable,” says Waxman. “As someone who was spanked loads as a child, I don’t get off on being smacked around and honestly find it degrading. I’m curious if there’s a lot of this porn where she’s doing the slapping, but even when I have seen women emasculating men, it doesn’t work for me. Sex is a balance, and there’s no balance when someone takes away your power by such a jarring jolt of force. I prefer loving and sensual to this type of brute force. I got into the industry to make more of the types of erotica that I’d watch and learn from.”

I don’t want to speak for all women but most I know would agree with Waxman’s sentiments. Pornography is something I enjoy on occasion and I’m sure this is true for many women. But this popularization of “punishment porn” is something that I find alarming and, quite frankly, sickening. And because it seems so prevalent on mainstream porn sites, if I want to watch porn I’ll opt for websites that advertise “Classic Porn” — as it is so amusingly called. That would be porn from the ‘70s and ‘80s, the stuff from my babysitting days, where men and women could have sex without anyone being slapped. Call me a prude but that’s just how I like it.

Clare Kleinedler is an American freelance journalist whose work has been featured in the Los Angeles Times, the Irish Times, People and WIRED. She currently resides in Ireland and chronicles living abroad on her blog, An American in Ireland. @clarekleinedler

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Dear reader, I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I was to read that Kanye West is on for starring in a porno. Not that I’m a huge fan of Kanye per se (too sulky for my personal taste, and that’s before we mention the Brazil-sized ego). I’m more impressed with the type of skin flick that Kanye would like to make. We’re not just talking any old run-of-the-mill, 22-positions-with-some-pneumatic-bint malarkey either. Rather, he has admitted that he wouldn’t be averse to the idea of doing a bisexual flick with a man and a woman.  Now, threesomes are as old as time itself (probably), but the idea of a threesome with two men who wouldn’t mind socking it to each other is a concept that completely cranks my chain. None of your fake-shock-macho-bullshit-when-swords-get-accidentally-crossed rubbish for me, nosiree bob. Truth be told, this has been one of my longest standing fantasies – a threesome situation where everyone is…you know, giving and getting to beat the band.

 

Barely able to contain my excitement and/or raging libido, I made the mistake of saying all this out loud at my place of work. A pack of rabid, farting dogs would have gotten a warmer reception. ‘Ewwwwww,’ said one colleague, looking me up and down for any other outward signs of perversion or freakery. I should also point out that my workplace would be considered fairly progressive and dynamic…it’s certainly no convent. But seriously; is my sexual fantasy du choix – and the public airing thereof – really something that should have gone past the censors?

 

Anyway, the whole episode got me to thinking about my long-standing, semi-professional career as a masturbator (what’s the female equivalent of wanking…is is ‘fanking’? Or ‘womanking’? Anyrooooad). As mentioned in a previous post, this is something I have been doing since I was about 5 or 6. Obviously back then, I had no idea that it was something sexual or could be perceived as ‘dirty’ by anyone. All I knew is that it made me feel good. Again, this may be a case of The Sex Freak Overshareth, but thankfully I know I’m not alone here…another friend of mine had been doing the same since she was very young too. I may as well offer up the following disclaimer: I don’t mention this in a bid to open up a whole can of worms about paedophilia/children as sexual beings. I’m merely talking about my own personal experience here.

 

A few years later, things cranked up a notch when I found my first Playboy magazine, stashed away in my dad’s bedroom locker. I should state for the record that I am probably about 98% heterosexual (right now), but anyway, the Playboy magazine breathed fresh impetus into my ‘little activity’. I wasn’t that attracted to the women in hindsight, but the pictures did provide a handy springboard from which I could concoct my own fantasy scenarios, often including a sleazy photographer and a milk-fed, virginal model desperate to get ahead. Yes, I was a would-be Seymour Butts even back then, so help us all.

 

In the decades since, my tastes for porn have become more refined and the Internet has proved to be manna from heaven for anyone partial to a fiddle. Truth be told, I am faddy to the point of fickleness when it comes to porn. One week I can’t get enough of gang bangs; the next I am practically gasping for grainy, grimy amateur stuff. I also had a prolonged period of watching nothing but gay porn (though, curiously enough, have never really gotten ‘into’ lesbian porn. Too much boobage and not enough willy in any one frame). I also found perverse pleasure in watching the Gene Simmons sex tape, something I’m still scratching my…er, head over (c’mon, it’s Gene Simmons. You still would). Round about now though, I’m hankering after vanilla flavoured, Joy Of Sex, one-guy-one-girl porn. Sometimes it’s nice to get back to one’s roots.

 

So how about you lot…anyone brave enough to fess up to their own pornographic proclivities or fantasies? More importantly, one question is looming large in my mind. Given my early start was I – as I’ve always suspected – truly the naughtiest girl in my primary school?

 

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