In her how-to-be-a-writer book, Bird By Bird, the American author Anne Lamott has a section called ‘Publication – and other reasons to write’. My favourite chapter within this section is one that I hadn’t ever thought about until I read the book a decade ago: ‘Writing a present’. Lamott, who writes funny, true fiction and non-fiction, actually wrote her first published novel as a gift for her father, who was diagnosed with brain cancer. Her father didn’t live to see the finished article, but read each chapter in draft as Lamott wrote them. The consequences, she says, were better than any publishing deal:
‘It helped my father have the best possible months before his death and the best possible death. I can actually say that it was great. Hard, and fucked six ways from Sunday, but great’.
Ever since I first read this, I’ve thought about presents that go beyond the obvious. One of my favourites is right next to me as I type this; a hand-made bookshelf given to my husband and I as a wedding present by a carpenter friend in Seattle. It always holds our preferred books, and every time I look at it, I think of its maker.
This week, I’m attempting a thank you of my own. I’m forty next month (shhhh) and feel like it’s probably time to own up to being grown up. So rather than (as well as) the parties and gratuitous celebrations, I’m running the London Marathon.
Next time, let's just buy everyone a bunch of flowers or go for dinner
(photo c/o http://www.providingnews.com)
The money I raise will go to a charity which offers residential help to little kids who are so vulnerable that even foster care isn’t an option for them. And the reason I’m doing this? To say a huge thank you to my parents, who got me through childhood in the best possible way; always securely and happily, with encouragement that stayed just the right side of supportive and never veered into pushy.
It’s not a novel, but it’s been a hard slog. Every single time I’ve gone out to train, I’ve thought about my folks; pictures from our past, things they’d say to keep me going; their faces smiling at me and not letting me give up. And Anne Lamott’s right; having a broader reason for doing something has brought so much more to the goal. It’s not just a bloody long race; it’s a 26 (.2) mile thank you to people who’ve done the equivalent a hundred times over.
How do you say thank you? Or what’s the best gift you’ve ever received?
The only safe route is to write for yourself (perhaps when you write for others you are writing for yourself really). I gave my wife a novel of mine and then found her weeping copiously. I made the mistake of killing off the central character at the end (no reader likes that). She thought I was writing about my own death and couldn’t bear it. I cried with her — it was very enjoyable in the end and a good laugh.
Good luck with the training. Well done for giving something back.
Nothing like a good hug to say thank you. And every day I try to do things to make the lives of others a tad easier – be it family, friends or strangers. Makes life a good place to be. Sheesh – I sound all peace-‘n-lovey. I’m a tough nut really.
My favourite gifts were a photo collage doohickey my husband made of me with all those I love. I wailed. (Am still tough nut) My sister went to India and on her first day there she bought a beautiful huge throw made by a million-year-old little lady. She carried it around backpacking for a month just to bring it back for me. I have no idea what to do with the thing, but it means the world.
Thanks for a great inspirational article Sarah. I’m currently halfway through Bird by Bird and haven’t come to the “Writing a present” bit yet, but what a fantastic idea!!
I was recently musing on my own blog over the whole idea of thanking and how fraught it can be, especially when it comes to one’s parents who invariably insist they want no presents / thanks / acknowledgment at all – so writing them a present would be a brilliant way around this (though if my Mam is reading this now the surprise is ruined…!).
Damn Charlie i wouldn’t like to be your wife : p
It’s good to make stuff for presents! I made a friend a clock made of elm wood as a wedding present and now I’m working on a comb made of yew wood for another friend.
Another friend recently gave me a kind of home-made perfume. She has studied aromatherapy and made this thing herself. Actually smelled fresh and green and really nice!
Wow, what lovely presents. I love the idea of a home-made wooden clock!
Cheers Anna! The clock is here should anyone care🙂
http://shaneleavy.blogspot.com/2011/01/wedding-present.html
I loved Bird by Bird, and the friend who gave it to me.
My brother once gave me a mirror framed in a slate that had fallen off my parents’ roof, I loved that and can’t think where the hell it is.
Good luck in the marathon, Sarah, every step of it.