‘I’m going to be an espinster!’ Jordan informed me yesterday, following me into the bathroom as I attempted to floss my teeth.
‘Why are you pronouncing it that way?’ I asked. Actually I said, ‘Whar rr uurr prhththstng it tar wap?’
‘It sounds better.’
I detangled myself from my floss.
‘You’re not going to be an espinster.’
‘I am, I never going to get a boyfriend.’
‘You’re about to turn 19, I think you still have time.’
She affixed fake hair to her head and glared at her face in the mirror. ‘Seriously, why don’t you set me up with someone?’
I thought about the people I know. ‘Er, I don’t think you’d be interested in anyone I know.’
‘I’m not going out with any more Irish men either.’
‘I mean it.’
‘I can’t be trusted.’
”Jordan, everyone has at least one boyfriend they wish they could scrub clean from the memory banks.’
‘More than one. Look Fluffy, most people laugh at the idea of who they went out at 18. Don’t worry about it so much, you’re young, enjoy your life, stop obsessing over boyfriends. When I was your age I…’
I then remembered that at her age I was going out with her father and had to stifle a laugh.
‘…I had no idea what I wanted out of life, or who! You ask any woman, we all have at least one bad romance behind us.’
‘I guess.’ She said, shrugging on her jacket. She gave me a kiss, located Andrew, gave him a kiss and relieved him of every red cent the poor man had on his person and off she went into the night, one youthful espinster in ridiculous heels.
‘What’s up with the child*?’ Andrew asked a short while later. ‘She seems a bit down in the dumps.’
‘She thinks she’s going to be an espinster.’
He looked thoughtful for a moment. I knew what he was thinking, he was thinking what I was thinking. We were both thinking of her last boyfriend. The older multi-tattooed, over pierced thing in a onesie she sprang on us. Using our words against us as she did so. ‘You always said not to judge people on their looks’.
He shuddered, and somewhere in the distance a dog barked.**
* age matters not, she will be ‘the child’ in this house forever.
** from a funny article on lines included in novels for no real good reason.