Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances. ~Wayne W. Dyer
I’ve always thought of myself as open-minded, especially when it comes to matters of race. As someone who is of mixed race (half-Japanese, half-Caucasian), I am the product of two people who come from very different countries and backgrounds yet managed to create a life together.
The high school I attended in California was predominately Latino and African-American; in fact, Asians and Caucasians were the minority there. I went to college in San Francisco, a city that prides itself on its political correctness and my classmates represented all races and cultures. The point is I grew up in a diverse community. So it was a surprise when I recently had to face my own racist views.
My boyfriend lives in an apartment block in Dublin and his neighbors are from Pakistan. There are four guys, all in their mid-20s, all living in a one-bedroom apartment. My partner’s bedroom wall is on the other side of their sitting room, and about 3-4 times a week we are awoken by loud shouting emanating from their side of the wall. It usually starts around 2 a.m. and goes for an hour or two or three. We can’t understand what they are saying as they speak in their native language and it’s hard to tell if they are angry or jubilant. We both sleep with ear plugs but it still keeps us from getting a decent night’s sleep.
When I first asked my partner about the guys next door, he just said they were four Pakistani guys and that he’d never spoken to them but that he was quite suspicious of them. They go in and out all hours of the night and they have a constant stream of guests who seem to crash there for long periods of time. This is incredibly difficult to admit – especially publicly – but in my mind I created several scenarios of what they were up to and why. Were they part of some underground extreme Muslim sect infiltrating Dublin? Did their late-night arguments stem from disagreements over who was the leader of the group? Maybe one of the guys was getting too “westernized” and there was dissension among the ranks.
How can a 30-something, well-traveled, educated woman come to such narrow conclusions about people she’s never even spoken to? I’m struggling with an answer to that question. I remember how hurt and angry I felt when a kid at school once called me a “chink” and asked me if I knew how to use a fork and knife, because he knew I was part Japanese. But at least that kid put his racism right in my face – it was out there for all to see. It would seem subtle forms of racism are what pose a real threat to the forward movement and progress of humanity as a whole.
With the Pakistani neighbours I’m basing my views on what I’ve picked up from the media; most of what I see in the news about Pakistan or any Middle Eastern country is negative. If the media reports are to be believed, young Arab males are all busy plotting uprisings of some form or another and are all Islamic extremists who want to take over the world. Even the recent spate of “Arab Spring” related stories and images are tinged with pessimism.
If the point is to breed hysteria, it’s worked. And if racism is based on ignorance and fear, I’ve got both covered. When I see a group of Middle Eastern men on a flight, the first emotion I feel is fear. The second is guilt. I feel both when I think of confronting those guys next door.
I actually had an encounter with one of the guys in the elevator a few of weeks back. He spoke first.
“Hi, I’ve seen you around. I’m Aziz,” he said, warmly. He had a kind and gentle smile. We talked for a few minutes. I mentioned the noise – albeit in a somewhat joking manner so that my true annoyance would not become obvious – and he was very apologetic and said he’d mention it to his mates. He said they all worked odd hours and therefore stayed up very late. He mentioned that sometimes they just get carried away in conversation but that he was very sorry it disturbed us.
I left the discussion feeling relieved and stupid. I felt ashamed for letting myself get carried away with all that nonsense before, and surprised at becoming the kind of person I always stood up to in the past – an ignorant, narrow-minded twit. But that relief and change of heart was short-lived; when I heard them shouting loudly the day after our talk, the fear came back. A couple of weeks and several more sleepless nights later, it’s still here. I so want to go next door and have a neighbourly chat with them, but both my boyfriend and I wonder if it’s such a good idea. He tells me to just leave it as he has to live next door to them and doesn’t want any drama. I still wonder if there’s something sinister going on over there and my imagination is running wild with possibilities.
This is not something I’m proud of. If they were white or Asian, would I hesitate to go speak with them? I guess it would depend on how intimidating they looked or behaved. These neighbour guys are not at all physically intimidating, they are average height and weight and dress in nondescript clothing and they don’t really stand out at all. It’s not unusual for a group of 20-somethings to enjoy their freedom and take advantage of being away from their parents for possibly the first time in their lives – they’re probably just having fun and being lads. Maybe they’re just inconsiderate, noisy neighbours and nothing else. Why is it so hard for me to see past their ethnicity and believe this?
Ironically enough, that question is the other thing keeping me up at night.
Clare Kleinedler is an American freelance journalist living in Ireland. She writes the blogs An American in Ireland and The Hollywood Craic.
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I think it’s very important for all of us to confront our own racism (and classism, and sexism and every other prejudice we can think of). Among liberals, there’s often a tendency to think we don’t prejudge anyone, so when we find ourselves having thoughts such as the ones you’ve described here, even just briefly, we can often ignore those thoughts of pretend they don’t exist. And then the next time we feel them, we just push them out of our minds again. And again. But if we acknowledge our own prejudices, as you’ve done here, we can examine them and their complete lack of logic and try and do something about them.
I’m sure lots of us can relate to this Clare, I know I can. I guess the important thing is being aware of it and challenging it. If you want to replace it with a more benign, and certainly more representative stereotype, the may be watching cricket on a channel from Asia.
I really enjoyed this article Clare, incredibly well written. It is pieces like this that help the rest of us to identify our own half-acknowledged prejudices and through that, to speak about them and hopefully do something about them. As Anna says above, as a liberal it is easy to delude oneself about being free from prejudice. Thanks for highlighting this issue!
Other people behind a wall is the problem, I suggest. Annecdote: a neighbour got drunk every night, he crashed up the stairs and slammed the door. Thud went a boot in one corner, thud went the other in the opposite. One night there were the usual noices but only one boot thudded to the ground. What on earth had happened? He tossed and turned until he could bear it no longer. Leaping from his bed, he rushed up the stairs and banged on the door. A half-awake neighbour sleepily opened the door to be greeted with the words, ‘For God’s sake mate what’s happened to you?
It’s normal to feel different about people based on their appearance alone. See the fascinating Harvard Implicit Association Test, which tries to find the implicit prejudices we hold (sometimes without even being aware of it). You can try out these tests here:
https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/selectatest.html
My own results were clear: relatively high levels of implicit prejudice. I associated black people more easily with weapons than white people, I associated women more easily with housework than men and I had positive responses to Christianity and Judaism, negative responses to other religions.
These implicit prejudices don’t need to translate into negative behaviour, though.
Finally someone pointed out to me once that prejudice can be sensible. Think, for example, how you’d feel walking alone down a street at night when:
a) a crowd of elderly women passed
b) a crowd of young men passed
It would be natural, and probably sensible, to be much more cautious about the young men, since these are the demographic most likely to be involved in violent crime. The grannies MIGHT attack you, but the chances are slim!
But the flipside of that is that young black men spend their whole lives being treated as a threat by the majority of the population. Is that a reasonable state of affairs?
That’s it Mary, the discrimination may be statistically sensible but might also worsen matters by creating outsider groups who are treated with suspicion by others.
No harm in being internally cautious in the company of certain people, just don’t flee in horror when you see them coming!
Funnily enough Shane, when I did those tests it turned out I was prejudiced TOWARDS black people and gay people. Given I’m white and straight, clearly I’m self-hating…
Perhaps though it’s something to do with growing up in apartheid South Africa and consciously fighting those prejudices in my little white head.
Fascinating, Jennie, what an interesting result!
I’d love to see them break down the results further. They show that the majority of users have negative implicit responses to black people – but they don’t show the race of those taking the test. Do black people also have negative views towards black people?
Anyway it’s all nuts and fascinating, I think. We have all these unseen biases and prejudices.
Thanks for this post Clare, as Anna said, it highlights our hidden prejudices to a T. Very honest and refreshing writing. Looking forward to more.
Clare I can nearly see myself in this article! I’m in a semi d with a rented house on the other side of me. It used to be Polish people in the house, now it’s Chinese. The Polish got up too early, the Chinese go to bed too late! I too sleep with earplugs in the my ears, and because I’m over ridden with anxiety anyway, the noise is amplified by bout 200% to me. I automatically think they’re up to something bad when I hear music or the tv!!!! But when i see Chinese people on the street now I automatically turn them into noisy people in my head, when in reality my neighbours are no worse than me – they just have different clocks, worklives and have to relax sometime!
Homes are different from other places. They are our most secure spaces and the stranger, by definition, is the most obvious threat, is outside. In the Mediaeval period the bad spirits could get in and special precautions were needed to trick them at windows, attics and doors. A remedy when entering the door from ouside was to swing it savagely so the little devils were smashed against the wall. How good is our sense of reality? Some threats are real but most, I guess, are in the mind.
Thank you for all your comments – I sincerely appreciate your feedback. I think Charlie makes a good point, most threats are in the mind and I’m now pretty convinced such is the case with this. It’s just that little nagging voice in the back of my brain that still keeps me from doing what I know is right – go over there with a plate of cookies and a smile and ask them kindly to please be more considerate.
But writing this essay and reading your feedback has given me strength, and right now I think I’m ready to give up the fear and move forward. Better get to baking…