Thank you. No really, you SHOULDN’T have.
Do you think I'm sexy?
Someone I know*, who on the basis of having been in my presence more than once, bought me a gift that makes me wonder if they know me at all. On Christmas Day, (already queasy from a bug) , I unwrapped something that I couldn’t actually believe I had unwrapped. This was Twilight Zone: Christmas Hell, or an evil sort of Kris Kindle. A box of the givers clipped toenails would have elicited only slightly less horror. There it was, in all its cheap brushed cotton glory: a onesie. At least that’s what the Americans call them. Some people also call them Romper suits. To me, they’re adult babygros. The kind I once saw worn in a Channel 4 documentary by over-stressed stockbrokers in New York who paid hard cash to hang out in an apartment wearing nappies and being burped by strict Mumsie types (who were raking it in, by the looks of it).
What fashion demigod has decided that the high street masses should be wearing babygros to bed? I looked at it again. An infantilising piece of androgynous get-up if ever I saw one. My husband’s reaction was almost as priceless. Imagine me suggestively leaning against our bedroom door, clad in this red number? He’d sooner throw himself down the stairs than go near me, I’d wager.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not ungrateful. But this gift was also given in a non-ironic, un-Post-Modern way. It’s not like jokingly buying someone a sovereign ring, or a Sacred Heart picture (complete with red bulb for the heart crowned in thorns). Nor was there any chuckling as it was handed over. There was a distinct lack of “Ah, gotcha – here’s your real pressie!”. No, the kind-hearted giver felt there was a onesie-shaped hole in my life and that I would like nothing better than sitting around dressed like a sleepy toddler.
It’s creepy enough that most adult women’s pyjamas come patterned with teddy bears or Minnie Mouse. As someone whose body temperature is usually somewhere on the reptilian scale, I’m all for being toasty, but this babyfication is a step too far. I say we should fight this scourge before they start pedalling us couture lingerie made out of Pampers.
* definitely not my husband
Anthea McTeirnan
Croí na Duibhlinn
Aoife Barry
Aoife McLysaght
Arlene Hunt
Attracta McCarthy-McKenna
clairehennessy
Ann Cronin
Amanda Brown
Eleanor Fitzsimons
Edel Coffey
Anna Carey
Lauren Murphy
Jennie Ridyard
Jude Leavy
Hazel Katherine Larkin
Léan Ní Chuilleanáin
Leigh
Lisa McInerney
Laura Slattery
Maman Poulet
Megan McGurk
Clare Kleinedler
Molly
Rosita Boland
Catherine Crichton
Sinéad Gleeson
sarahefranklin
siobhandowling
Susan Daly
theantiroom
Nuala Ní Chonchúir
Oh God. They really are the weirdest things ever. Sympathy!
Exposé did a feature on them and I think Glenda couldn’t believe she was actually wearing one, such was her horror. And hers was cow print! The mind boggles really that they sell at all.
Bad enough me having to hold one, but Glenda having to wear one. For once, my heart goes out to her.
that looks worryingly like a boiler suit.
that being said, I don’t think any of my two pairs of pyjamas have teddy bears on them. There *might* be a flower on one but I go straight for satin and silk and bump up the toastiness with a hotwater bottle. If necessary….
Treasa, nail-on-the-head
Someone on Twitter also said ‘feety pyjamas’, which also works.
I hear you on the nightwear stuff. I’m a grown woman, not a 12 year old girl, thanks retailers.
I got some toaster bags and a kettlebell. And no, I didn’t know what the latter was either.
What oh what is a kettlebell?
You know, I’m dying to know who DID give it to you. Male? Female? Older? Younger? Friend? Relative? I guess you won’t tell…
I will be respectfully silent on their identity.
Only one solution, Sinéad. Get thee onto ebay. Nay, not to
sell it! But where else would one source several kilos of teddy
bear stuffing alongside a severed teddy’s head? Stuff onesie,
attach head, re-gift life sized teddy next year. All in the name of
recycling.
That is a GENIUS solution, Anne, thank you.
Would your children like a giant teddy for Xmas next year, hmm?
A kettlebell is one of those olympic looking excercise things thant you heft around? I think. What Jennifer Aniston credits her gorgeousness to. with? I dunno.
I’m so glad it wasn’t your husband who gave you it. I couldn’t see that somehow.
You’d look like such a cute little thing in it though, Sinéad, I think you should give it a go
heheheheh.
My husband was only marginally more horrified than me. He thought it was quite funny. Wouldn’t be so funny if I started parading around the house in one, though.
a kettlebell is an implement used in gentle park-excerise,
there’s a group in Dublin who meet and work-out with
them every Monday.
fascinating to watch indeed, whilst *walking*
http://www.meetup.com/Kettlebell-Fitness-Bootcamp-Workshop/
I like this nuclear-war wear…it’ll keep your skin from getting scabby…or something. OK, so WHO bought you this? I reckon an elderly person (who thought it’s be ‘snug’) or a stoner who thinks you’re way more laidback than you are? What brand of homosapien? I got a colonic irrigation voucher for a x-mass present once. This year all was quiet, a jar of Angel Body Cream from my Ma and a beautiful moonstone ring from a man whose belly I like to rub. Presents are increasingly relative, I find.
All I’ll say is that they were neither elderly nor stoned.
Colonic irrigation? Eep!
Someone I know has taken to wearing one of these. She said her friends’ response changed from amusement and gentle ridicule to appreciation and mild envy once they saw how warm and snug she was in them. In the newly Arctic Ireland, could fashion be edging towards practicality?
Stan – no! Shake that woman until her sense return!
I HATE being cold and am usually “cold hands, warm heart” all the time, but there are plenty of practical heat-sources to keep you warm and snug. Electric Blankets, hot water bottles – there is no excuse for going to bed dressed like a baby!
Ladygro is a much nicer term! I’m kinda liking it. Then
again, I’m a reverse logic junkie. And a sociopath. So it appeals
to me. Go on, wear it and stop pretending it’s ghastly!
People are always buying these for my kids who refuse to wear them except for the very odd time I have to throw them in the car to go somewhere after they have their regular pyjamas on and they’ll stick them on over them – and if even a baby won’t wear them? I do know a 20year old who got one by request this year though. You know, for when she comes home from the nightclub and peels off her burlesque style corset. Each to their own though. I wouldn’t be caught dead in one, the very thoughts of it next to my skin makes me itch. At least yours is brushed cotton, Sinead, many of my kids’ ones are polyester which gives a rather comical effect when they run around and their hair stands on end with static. Wonder how many end up in charity bags this January?
Oh Sinéad – even for me (and you have read my ‘freezing’ blogpost) this is a step too far. While a proud owner of fleecy jammies, slanket, hot water bottle (sometimes used simultaneously) my frosty ass could not stoop this low. Anymore…
Yes, I did own one of these, as a teenager. Blush. In my defense I had no sense, no one important to see me in it and a very cold bedroom. But the counselling worked well and I’m now a fully reformed adult-gro hating member of society.
BTW what are you going to do with yours?! I do like the teddy bear suggestion…
I made one of these a few years ago for my sister, she loved it and a year or two later they became suddenly available in the shops, I take no blame for beginning a trend, as I’m not sure how many people actually saw her wearing it!
However, I’m a proud wearer of one! Its warm and snug, the only problem is going to the bathroom, as you have to strip, so I don’t actually wear it very often.