Prince William is such a cheapskate. Why’d he give Kate his mum’s old engagement ring?
His dead mum’s old engagement ring.
His unhappily married mum’s engagement ring.
His broken-hearted mum’s old engagement ring.
His divorced mum’s old engagement ring.
His cuckolded mum’s old engagement ring.
His vilified, ostracised mum’s old engagement ring.
His canonised, sainted mum’s old engagement ring.
The People’s Princess’s old engagement ring.
The ring that launched a thousand flicks…
It may be “priceless”, but poor Kate is certainly going to pay a heavy price, because if every a ring came with an unbearable weight, then this is it. So why, William, why?
Because, he says, “obviously” his mum couldn’t be there so he thought it would be a “quite nice” way to have her involved in all the wedding “fun”. Oh, jolly hockey sticks!
Yes well, I’m sure it’s fun for him, but for Kate, with her tight, bright smile, determined tweed and perma-blowdry, with her nickname of Waity-Katie after years perched in her parents’ home/ivory tower awaiting this benighted proposal, always terrified of putting a foot wrong, with the insults cast at her parents because they actually earned their money and didn’t inherit it, with the sneers about her mother being an air hostess, the sniggers of “doors to manual and cross-check”, with the finger-pointing at her partying sister Pippa, with the nastiness when Kate was photographed in hotpants falling off her skates at a charity roller-disco (looking happier than she has before or since), with years of mortifying protocol insisting she leaves weddings and clubs sans her fella, with the stoic silence she’s always kept even when dumped, with everything she’s done — and doubtless not done — to prove she’s suitable queenly material, I reckon it’s been anything but fun.
Maybe she thought the fun would start with the ring, with the fairytale wedding, with forging her own path as a real princess, fighting her own corner, eventually able to stand up for what she believes in, to make a difference where she chooses, to reap the benefits of finally being legally tied to the royals, and not just left to sit primly on the sidelines knowing you could be tossed aside at the whim of a dandy, forever famous for being jilted.
But no, instead Prince Charming hands Kate Middleton the baton of martyrdom and the burden of his sainted mother, of everybody’s Lady Di.
Gee. A clean slate might have been nice.
And she can’t even pawn the ring if it all falls apart.