I’ve always been a bit of a dissatisfied one, prone to pessimism and glass-half-empty thinking. But recently I came across a self-help book that made me feel a little better about my whiney-ass complaining.
30 Something and Over it: What happens when you get up and don’t want to go to work … Ever Again by Kasey Edwards is the story of how Kasey realised she had lost her ‘give-a-shit’ and how she found it again. Having worked all the way through her 20s, striving to achieve her ambitions, she found that despite having a great job, house, boyfriend, consumerist crap to beat the band, she still wasn’t fulfilled. Essentially, she cuts down her working hours and takes up writing.
I think Kasey’s dilemma is a common one with both women and men. In my early and mid-twenties I expected creative fulfilment from my job, and rarely got it and thus was dissatisfied. A practical friend told me it was a ridiculous expectation. A job was there to pay the rent, not to double up as your creative outlet. That’s what spare time and hobbies or passions were for. It made sense and clarified a few things for me.
The reason I had been expecting so much from work, was a) because I spent so much time doing it – evenings, early mornings, weekends – and b) because I didn’t have any hobbies. I am one of those women that Germaine Greer talks about who don’t have hobbies. I think lots of women (okay, a few women I know) have the same problem and find it difficult to do anything about it. There’s a vicious circle of exhaustion that is counter-productive. If I can get my work done during the day, eat some dinner and fall onto the couch when I get home, I feel like I’ve achieved something.
In our current climate, I find myself thinking about my job a lot. I worry whether I will still have a job next month. Because of this, I find it hard to say no to things, hard to leave the office before the boss, even if they arrive hours later than me in the morning.
But I’ve decided to try to and reclaim my life. I’ve joined group that runs once a week and deals with an area I am interested in, I’ve decided to say ‘no’ in work, when I can, work no more than 8 hours a day, if I can, and not take any work home, if I can avoid it. I’ve discovered that when I don’t have to do work in the evenings, I’m a happier, more creative person. If things continue this way, I’m thinking I might even have time to find my ‘give-a-shit’ again. Or at least change my attitude to glass-half-full.
30 Something and Over it: What happens when you get up and don’t want to go to work … Ever Again by Kasey Edwards, Mainstream Publishing, £6.99.
Penny Century
Leigh
Ruby
Honoria
It’s a hard one – I’ve also struggled to leave work on time/ at a sensible time, as opposed to putting in way too many hours b/c I don’t like saying no. Rediscovering knitting has helped me to balance things a bit better, though.
What a great post, and good luck with your decision. At least you realised it now rather than giving over another5-10 years of your life to a job. Most of my friends are those women that you talk about, and it’s only over the past year that I’ve noticed them doing something about it. Like jewellery making classes, choir, or taking up a sport.
I was about a year ago that I decided to turn my hobby(well it was more than that but it was unpaid so it counts as a hobby) into my business. It’s been an up hill battle, but even after 12 hours of working I don’t feel hard done by, I’ve enjoyed it. Whether this continues as a business into the long term, hopefully it will, I know i will always have it in some form in my life to keep me sane.
Jobs are not designed to be fulfilling. Realise this and you’ve realised a great deal, it can actually be a comforting realisation. It takes a lot of pressure off you.
A Job Does Not Give Life Meaning
“7. Most jobs are better than they seem: You can learn from any job.
When I worked on a French chicken farm, I thought I’d learn French, but I didn’t, because I was so foreign to the French farm family that they couldn’t talk to me. However I did learn a lot of other things, like how to bargain to get the best job in the chicken coop, and how to get out of killing the bunnies. You don’t need to be learning the perfect thing in your job. You just need to be learning. Don’t tell yourself you need a job that gives your life meaning. Jobs don’t do that; doesn’t that make you feel better? Suddenly being in the workplace doesn’t seem so bad. “
Well said Honoria. I’m also trying to eke out some time to do things I enjoy (some of them creative) and it provides a major feeling of accomplishment.
As for work, someone once said to me: “A job is something you do, it’s not who you are”, which is spot on.
Thanks for your comments. Laura, I really do feel that having a good balance, like picking up a hobby, can make a big difference. Hopefully it will make a difference to my life!
Ruth, thanks for the kind words and I hope the business works out for you – when it’s your own baby I think working 12 hour days is satisfying because you feel you’re getting something back.
Sebastian, for some reason it seems like men cop on to this fact much quicker than women. All the men I know think like this and give their hobbies and passions great priority in their lives (housework often comes last
). I need to start thinking more like this I think.
And Ruby, that’s a good quote to remember. Might use that as my phone welcome message
.
That book sounds like it did an amazing job on you.
Hope you find that interest/ hobby which excites your soul.
In Buddhism is it called getting into the zone?
In your life there will be certain things you find yourself enjoying so much you lose yourself in them – forget about reality and your conscience exists on a timeless plane – because you’re lost in your zone.
Finding time for these activities should be your priority – not work.
Good luck with it.
Siobhan, that’s a really nice quote and a good thing to remember. Must investigate Buddhism. It’s true that when I do get time to do the things I really enjoy I have a sense of becoming so absorbed in them that I forget my worries and problems.
. Thanks for checking out the blog!
Must learn to prioritise