Can we talk about hangovers, just for a second? I know, the ‘waa-waa-I’m-hungover’ spiel is tantamount to looking at other folk’s holiday snaps for sheer boredom value, but please bear with me. As you know, currying sympathy from everyone is the only fun part of this situation.
Fuck me, but my head is in a right jocker today.
What started out innocently enough as a few innocent, sociable cocktails in Solas ended in a most undignified fashion. Regrettably, the Inventory Of Shame now runneth over: I ended up in Whelan’s – feeling like a relic – applying freshly-bought Origins body lotion to folk’s faces (yes, I’m that kind of drunk girl), and harassed total strangers into playing ’20 dirty questions’. There is a boy pounding the streets of Dublin today that knows more about me than almost every guy I’ve ever slept with. He wasn’t not even that cute, certainly not cute enough to warrant that sort of classified information. But in vino veritas and all that shite.
This morning, I felt as though my brain was bathing in acid and my gob was like Gandhi’s blummin’ flip-flop. With the smallest turn on the pillow, each brain cell moaned, heaved and squeaked in protest. I felt like I was sweating pure rum. I tried to summon my hand to reach for a bedside glass of water, but no dice. Way too much effort. Still, I think I’ve come off a little bit better than another pal of mine, who managed to throw a bass amp out a third storey window last night in his inebriated state.
But now, it’s 5pm; I am unshowered, unmotivated and, as my mother might say, droopy-drawered in general. Another day wasted. Arse.
Mercifully, I have already stumbled by chance upon a rather effective hangover cure: lashings of Pineapple juice, Sigur Ros and orgasms (not necessarily administered in that order). Breakfast roll; optional.
How about you? Can anyone else do better than that on the hangover cure front? Do tell…
Anthea McTeirnan
Croí na Duibhlinn
Aoife Barry
Aoife McLysaght
Arlene Hunt
Attracta McCarthy-McKenna
clairehennessy
Ann Cronin
Amanda Brown
Eleanor Fitzsimons
Edel Coffey
Anna Carey
Lauren Murphy
Jennie Ridyard
Jude Leavy
Hazel Katherine Larkin
Léan Ní Chuilleanáin
Leigh
Lisa McInerney
Laura Slattery
Maman Poulet
Megan McGurk
Clare Kleinedler
Molly
Rosita Boland
Catherine Crichton
Sinéad Gleeson
sarahefranklin
siobhandowling
Susan Daly
theantiroom
Nuala Ní Chonchúir
I find hangovers more and more unbearable the older I get. Like, I feel genuinely angry – not at myself for drinking, just at the hangover for existing. Which is pointless, I know. I do try much harder to avoid them than I used to, because I just can’t handle that all-day bleah feeling the following day.
But of course I still end up with one fairly regularly, and then I rely on good old Alka Seltzer, or “Fizzygood” as Bernard Black memorably called it in Black Books. Seriously, if you’ve never tried it, it is like magic. The headache is eased, the nausea dies down. Once I’ve downed a big glass of fizzygood, my tum is ready for a big plate of scrambled eggs and something pig-related, preferably both sausages, rashers and some Hicks white pudding. Sadly that doesn’t totally cure the allover wobbly, feeble feeling, so then I usually have to lie down on the couch and watch something soothing on the telly, even though I know I’d actually feel better if I got up and went out for a nice walk in the fresh air.
And oh, the joy of a hungover Coke! Years ago after a party in my own house I woke up and lay there for ages craving a can of coke. And then I finally dragged myself out of bed and went out to the landing and on a shelf directly opposite my door was an unopened Coke can. It was like a miracle.
Lots of vitamin C and B helps. For the worst hangovers, I recommend valerian root capsules. It’s a mild herbal sedative that takes the bite out of the morning after. I also find cold pizza comforting.
Medhb, Valerian root is brilliant for insommnia too! It’s like nature’s very own Xanax. LOVES it, so I do.
Peny, I did drink lots of Coke while watching Gladiators and Family Fortunes. I must say, I feel fairly toxic now, and instead of having pee that smells like the bottom of a cage, I now have pee that smells like the bottom of a sugary cage.
Salad rolls? And sex? What a combo. Gimme pig anyday (either in the form of a rasher or a bit-o-rough bloke, I ain’t fussy).
Sex is the only thing that works. I heard it’s because the body feels like it’s dying and needs t procreate, that’s why hangovers make you horny.
Holy fuck! That’s mental Annie. In saying that, I never feel horny per se; far from it, jesus…we’re talking half-hearted, slothful, anti-athletic sex/wanking here. Only thing I’m interested in is the migration of my 75%-proof blood away from my throbbing head. And underneath it all, my body just secretly wants to get up the pole. Bloody hell.
Fizzygood – I love it!
My ‘cure’:
1000mgVit C (AKA Fizzy Vit C), batch bread toasted with real butter, anything carbo-loaded with garlic, back to bed. Mmmm. Makes the hangover worth it, kind of.
Yep, fizzygood is the best cure. Another fizzygood is Solpadeine, cures everything, but it is addictive.
I once spoke to a doctor – a very young, cool doctor I might add – and she told me if you’re in a total jocker a sure-fire, scientifically-proven hangover cure is a can of 7-Up, a half teaspoon of sugar, a teaspoon of vodka and a half-teaspoon of salt. Apparently, it replaces all the missing sugar and salt and the vodka tops up the alcohol in your system just enough to make you feel a helluva lot better.
embrace the hangover – use it as an excuse to lie in bed playing with yourself and eating toast, boast about it to friends in an exaggerated and comic fashion until you get the sympathy you deserve. then plan your next one so that when the tuesday booze blues come crashing by, you have something to wave in their faces.
The funny thing is, I always feel like a bit of a cheat taking painkillers for a hangover. Better to live and die by the sword (or in this case, suffer and whimper by the sword).
Batch loaf and real butter – LOVES it. Almost worth having a fat cellulitey arse for, I think. Is there a simpler but richer pleasure in life? I think not.
I know what you mean about the Tuesday booze blues Rosie…although I have come to a startling realisation that since the age of 16, I haven’t actually gone more than 3 nights without alcohol, ergo making for a lot of booze blues days. Disgerrrrraceful.
I love mojitos too… so refreshing yet so intoxicating … here are 12 of the best recipes to make them at home:
http://recipe-super-search.net/browse/mojito